


Tell Me No Lies

by astuteweasel (whimsicalmeerkat)



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Peter Parker, Blow Jobs, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Identity Reveal, M/M, Semi-Public Sex, Sexually Confident Peter Parker, Size Difference, Size Kink, everything is soft and nothing hurts, fluff and nonsense, meet cute, no beta we die like warriors, short person problems, slight though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:56:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28543677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whimsicalmeerkat/pseuds/astuteweasel
Summary: Sometimes having a secret identity is hard. It interferes with relationships and means Peter always had some level of distance from just about everyone in his life. Usually he didn’t think about it while he was at the grocery store though. He glanced around. Surely he would hear anyone who was coming with enough time to not get caught if he shot out a quick web and pulled down the jar of fancy spaghetti sauce that was mocking him from the top shelf.OrFive times Peter asks Wade a question and one time Wade has a question of his own.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 71
Kudos: 551





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> \- Written for the prompt "Peter is at the supermarket debating whether it is worth it or not to use his powers to reach the top shelf to get what he needs. While debating, Wade notices the cute short guy glaring holes into the container on the top shelf and gets it for him. He certainly didn’t expect the smaller man to respond to this random act of kindness by jokingly proposing to him." Prompt from ZombieLLama on the Isn't it Bromantic? discord server. I hope this does it justice.  
> \- There will be five chapters, three of which are written. Given that I wrote those in one day, it shouldn't be too long before I finish. Assuming I didn't jinx myself. I really hope I didn't just jinx myself.

Sometimes having a secret identity is hard. It interferes with relationships and means Peter always had some level of distance from just about everyone in his life. Usually he didn’t think about it while he was at the grocery store though. He glanced around. Surely he would hear anyone who was coming with enough time to not get caught if he shot out a quick web and pulled down the jar of fancy spaghetti sauce that was mocking him from the top shelf. Aunt May was coming to dinner, so he wanted something other than Ragu, but the fancy stuff was all the way on the top shelf. He knew better than to try to cook something on his own, but he could at least do something nicer than his normal routine.

While he was trying to decide whether or not to risk the web, a woman with two kids turned down the aisle and started arguing about pasta shapes, taking the decision out of his hands. He was left with nothing to do but glare at the stupid jar while trying to convince himself it didn’t matter if he just got his normal brand. Aunt May wouldn’t mind, but he minded. He jumped when an arm suddenly appeared in front of his face, reaching upwards. It was a very nice arm, clearly muscly even when covered by a black hoodie.

“Garlic or vodka,” a deep voice rasped. Peter turned, coming face to face with a chest that matched the arm. It was even nicer, actually. “Do you want the garlic sauce or the vodka sauce?” The voice was amused this time.

Peter tore his gaze away, looking up to see a scarred face with the bluest eyes he had ever seen looking down at him, just as amused as the voice. He blushed at being caught staring like that. “Oh, um...vodka?” It came out as a question, even though that’s what he’d intended to get the entire time.

“I thought so,” the man said, and handed Peter the jar he had been glaring at.

“Oh my god, marry me,” Peter said in a rush, accepting the jar like it was a precious gift.

The man snorted out a laugh. “Easy there, Bambi. You go around proposing to people like that and someone might take you seriously.”

Peter felt himself turn red. “I don't, I mean, I never have, I mean...do you want to get coffee?” The man raised one hairless eyebrow. Peter felt himself somehow impossibly turn more red. How was he still such a disaster at his age? “I mean as thanks for getting this,” he said, trying to salvage some semblance of dignity, but spoiling it when he gestured at himself with the jar of sauce as if he could possibly have been talking about anyone else.

The man chuckled. “It was really nothing, but I certainly won’t turn down the chance to spend more time with someone as pretty as you,” he said with a smirk. “I’d love to.”

Peter was pretty sure his face was now as red as his suit. “Oh!” He smiled. “That’s good. Now, or some other time?”

“Let’s do now, before you change your mind,” the man said. He grinned, but there was something sad about it, and Peter could see uncertainty lurking in his eyes.

“Awesome! I’m Peter Parker,” he said, putting the sauce in his basket and extending his hand.

“Alliteration buddies! I’m Wade Wilson,” the man, no, Wade said, turning away after shaking Peter’s hand. Peter must have kept his face neutral, because Wade just turned away and grabbed something off the shelf. Peter had no idea what, because he was trying to come to terms with what he was about to do. Specifically, have coffee with Deadpool. He knew that name. That was Deadpool’s name, and this man was Deadpool’s size, so it definitely wasn’t just a coincidence. No, he had definitely just asked Deadpool to have coffee.

“You coming, Bambi,” Wade/Deadpool asked, distracting Peter from his mild internal crisis before it could really get going.

“Why do you keep calling me that,” he asked, looking up into the other man’s face.

“Because you have Bambi eyes,” Wade said, winking. “You’re also all tiny and shy and shit.”

“I am not,” Peter exclaimed indignantly. “I’m not shy, and I am average height!”

Wade snorted a laugh. “Keep telling yourself that, but it won’t make it true.” He turned away again, and wasn’t that a nice view. “Stop staring at my ass and come on, Bambi. I want that coffee.”

“I’m not, I mean, I wasn’t, I mean,” Peter sputtered, spurred into moving.

Wade laughed. “Uh huh,” he said, and Peter gave up. He’d always been a terrible liar anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, are you hungry?” Peter had been trying to figure out how to see Wade again for the two weeks since they met in person and got coffee.

Hey, are you hungry?” Peter had been trying to figure out how to see Wade again for the two weeks since they met in person and got coffee. He’d had a great time. He knew Wade was funny from patrolling with him at night, but he hadn’t realized just how clever he was. He also hadn’t expected him to be as, well, appealing as he was. When he suggested exchanging numbers so they could hang out again though, Wade blurted something about needing to be somewhere, and ran out of the coffee house at a speed most people would use if their ass was on fire. Peter specified most people, because he had seen someone set Wade’s ass on fire, and he had mostly made jokes about his hot ass while he flailed around putting it out.

So yeah, Peter wasn’t entirely sure why Wade had run away, but he suspected poor self-esteem was part of it. Wade never put down his hood, and was definitely uncomfortable when Peter focused on his face too much. It was also entirely possible he just wanted to get away from the awkward dude from the grocery store, but for his sanity, Peter was going with the other theory for now.

“Why…?” Wade drew out the word. Peter watched closely, but the usually expressive mask was completely still and neutral.

Peter shrugged, aiming for casual. “I’m hungry, and eating alone gets old. I was thinking Mexican.”

The eyes of the Deadpool mask narrowed, before the features relaxed into their more usual broad, smirking grin. “A chance to eat with you, Webs? Count me in! I know a place with great tacos!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. This was super short, but I promise the next one will make up for it. It’s longer than both of these combined and is where this starts to earn its rating.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter collapsed onto what he had come to think of as his and Wade’s roof. He sprawled on his back, laughing as Wade clambered over the edge of the roof and grabbed his ankle. “Got you,” Wade crowed. “You’re it!”
> 
> Peter groaned. “I can’t move. You wore me out.”
> 
> “Oh, I could really wear you out. This is nothing,” Wade said, leering from where he stood over Peter, arms akimbo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn’t planning to paste this until tomorrow and it’s not as well proofread as I would like, but the world’s on fucking fire, and if I can make even one person smile I’m going to do it. So, smut as promised. Stay safe.

Peter collapsed onto what he had come to think of as his and Wade’s roof. He sprawled on his back, laughing as Wade clambered over the edge of the roof and grabbed his ankle. “Got you,” Wade crowed. “You’re it!”

Peter groaned. “I can’t move. You wore me out.”

“Oh, I could really wear you out. This is nothing,” Wade said, leering from where he stood over Peter, arms akimbo.

Peter just laughed harder. “I’m sure you could,” he said as Wade flopped down next to him, rolling on his side with his head propped on his hand. Peter could feel Wade watching his face. “Hey,” he said, turning his head and making as much eye contact as was possible through two masks. “Can I blow you?”

Wade jerked back, almost recoiling, and wow did that not do Peter’s self esteem any favors. He turned his head back and stared at the sky. “Never mind, that was probably stupid.” He tried to keep his tone light, but it still came out strained. It was definitely stupid. The question had just come out before he was thinking though, so he didn’t have a chance to stop it.

“No,” Wade said cautiously. “Not stupid, but why?” He sounded genuinely confused, a vulnerable note in his voice.

“Because you’re hot and you're my best friend and I want you,” Peter said, eyes focused on the clouds and light pollution that were obscuring the stars.

“Baby boy, I know this suit does wonders for my ass, but you don’t know what I look like under here,” Wade said, solemn for once. Peter started to say something, but Wade kept going. “I know you’ve seen part of my face when we’re eating, but it’s all like that,” he said. “Sure, you’ve never lost your lunch, but you’ve never had to look at my entire face, let alone the rest of me.”

Peter took a deep breath and sat up. He’d been trying to figure out how to do this, and now seemed as good a time as any. Better than most, really. He pulled off his mask and turned towards Wade, who had a hand out like he had tried to stop him. “See, I have seen your face,” Peter said. “I just never figured out a good time to show you mine.” He shrugged self-consciously. “You’ll have to come up with a different reason than that.”

“Bambi?” Wade’s voice was strangled. Peter nodded, watching that expressive mask carefully. Wade broke into a grin. “Baby boy! I can’t believe I didn’t recognize that ass! Your voice sounds different, but your ass is just as good in jeans. Oh em gee, Bambi is Spidey and Spidey is Bambi!” He jumped up, spinning in a circle, leaving Peter sitting and laughing.

“Does this mean I can suck your dick,” Peter asked wryly.

Wade came to a halt facing him. “The scars really are everywhere,” he said, laughter gone. He narrowed his eyes. “This isn’t some sort of pity thing, is it?”

Peter stood up, walking straight towards Wade. “You knew I was staring at your ass at that grocery store,” he said. “You can’t tell me you haven’t felt me looking at your everything every single night since on patrol.”

“I’m pretty sure you looked before,” Wade said, backing up as Peter moved into his space.

“So you know it’s not pity or anything like that,” Peter said, still moving forward, herding Wade where he wanted him. “You know I’ve looked more since meeting you in civvies, but that wasn’t when it started.”

Wade jumped when his back hit the door leading into the building. “Um. Yeah, I guess I have noticed you doing it more. Um, Spidey, what are you doing,” he squeaked.

“Finally getting my hands on your ass,” Peter said, sliding his hands around from where they were resting on Wade’s hips. “Feel free to do the same,” he said calmly.

“Uh…” Wade said, but he reached out and grabbed onto Peter’s ass. Peter bucked against him when he squeezed and started kneading the muscle. “I’m pretty sure this is a dream,” he said, “but I’m going to go with it, because you feel even better than I imagined _whatthefuck?!_ ”

Peter smirked. “Isn’t that how you know you aren’t dreaming? Pinching yourself? I was just helping you out,” he said innocently. He slid his leg between Wade’s. He really wanted to kiss the older man, but something told him suggesting it would make Wade bolt. That was OK. He could wait. He pulled their hips flush so Wade could have no doubts of just how turned on Peter was. “So?” He leaned back to look up into Wade’s face. He made sure to widen his eyes. Something told him Wade would like that, and he would take anything that helped him get his way.

“So?” Wade was clearly distracted. Good.

“Can I suck your cock?” Peter kept his eyes wide, but he knew he didn’t have a chance in hell of sounding innocent, so he let his voice come out as rough as it wanted.

“You really want to,” Wade asked, vulnerability, hope, and awe all rolled into one phrase.

Peter rolled his hips, knowing Wade couldn’t help but feel his erection through their suits. “Does it feel like I’m unsure,” he asked.

Wade laughed. “No, I can’t say that it does,” he said. “Sure, Spider-babe, have your wicked way with me.”

“Oh, I will,” Peter promised, slithering to his knees. “Why in the hell does this thing have so many straps and pouches,” he asked, trying to figure out the best place to start on getting Wade out of his suit.

“Huh,” Wade said. “I’m surprised the author didn’t handwave that away, they usually do.” Peter pulled his cock out, wrapping his hand around it. “Oh, I guess she just did.”

Peter had no idea what he was talking about, but he didn’t care, too focused on finally getting his hands on Wade. He leaned forward and licked off the drop of precome that was beaded on the tip of Wade’s dick. Wade swore above him, hands scrabbling at the door behind him. Peter suck the head into his mouth, reaching up to grab Wade’s hand and bring it to his head.

“Oh shit, Petey,” Wade said when Peter sucked him further into his mouth, patting at his hair.

Peter pulled off long enough to say, “I like having my hair pulled,” then went back to what he was doing. He hummed when Wade tangled his hand in his hair and tugged lightly. He focused on the feeling of Wade’s dick resting heavy on his tongue, experimenting until he found the right combination to make Wade swear and try to buck against where Peter was holding his hips against the door. He greedily catalogued every movement, every time Wade lost track of what he was babbling, taking as much pleasure in those as in the feel of Wade in his mouth. He mapped the textured surface of scars and veins with his tongue, and delighted in Wade’s reactions. He was so hard he could feel his heartbeat in his dick, but that was a secondary consideration.

When Wade started pulling his hair harder, gasping that he was going to come and trying to pull him off, Peter just clapped down harder on his hips, refusing to let Wade do anything more than take it, let alone make Peter move. He’d never really been able to hold someone still with even this much of his strength, and it was a heady feeling. Wade curled over and came down Peter’s throat with an almost pained groan.

Peter pulled off. He spared a moment to feel smug when Wade slid down the door and landed on his ass, legs spread wide and bracketing Peter’s kneeling form, but he was too busy fishing his own cock out of his suit to look properly. He moaned when he wrapped his hand around it. It only took a few strokes before he was spilling on the roof. He fell backwards, knees wide, barely catching himself on his hands. He panted, head thrown back.

Wade reached out and gripped his ankle loosely. “You’re really good at that,” he said, awe in his voice.

“Thanks,” Peter said, sitting up and crossing his legs. “I won’t say the pleasure is all mine for obvious reasons, but it was a pleasure.”

Wade laughed, sounding more relaxed than Peter had ever heard him. Peter sat forward and grabbed his hand. “Wade Wilson, will you go on a date with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still writing the next chapter, but I know what’s going to happen, so it shouldn’t take too long to finish.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where you planning to move to, baby boy?” Wade’s voice drew him out of his thoughts.
> 
> “I’m not sure yet, but I do know I want a bedroom to use as my lab and one to use as a ...guest room. Yeah, a guest room.” He almost slipped up there. Maybe Wade wouldn’t notice.
> 
> “A...guest room,” Wade parroted back, hitting the pause hard and just letting the statement hang there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question number 5. Not proofread as thoroughly as I prefer, but I didn’t want to wait until I found time to get it up.

“So I think I’m going to move,” Peter said from where he was sprawled on his side, lazily mapping the scars on Wade’s chest with his fingers. It had taken months, but Wade had gotten comfortable enough with Peter to sometimes completely take off his clothes. Peter knew it was a sign of trust, and it wasn’t something he took for granted. There were still days when Wade wouldn’t take off his mask, let alone anything else, but there were fewer of them. He thought it helped that he had never tried to talk around them. They were a part of Wade, and Peter loved Wade. They were sometimes hard to look at, but not as often as Wade, or even he, had expected in the beginning. He thought it came down to some days being better than others for both of them.

“Where you planning to move to, baby boy?” Wade’s voice drew him out of his thoughts.

“I’m not sure yet, but I do know I want a bedroom to use as my lab and one to use as a ...guest room. Yeah, a guest room.” He almost slipped up there. Maybe Wade wouldn’t notice.

“A...guest room,” Wade parroted back, hitting the pause hard and just letting the statement hang there.

“Yeah, I mean, that’s an adult thing right? I’m years overdue.”

“Do you...expect any guests,” Wade asked, voice filled with a hefty amount of skepticism.. “Who’ve you had to turn away because you didn’t have an extra room? Were they hot?”

Peter rolled his eyes. “I haven’t had to say no to anyone, but sometimes Matt crashes here and a bed would be nicer than a shitty couch.”

“Well, he’s definitely hot, with the beating up criminals and acrobatics and stuff, you know how I feel about red suits, but has he ever been here when he wasn’t about to bleed out or something from Daredeviling and you were closer than his apartment?”

Wade had a point, but Peter wasn’t going to give on this. He had  _ plans _ for that room. “A bed would be nicer than the couch,” he said stubbornly.

Wade narrowed his eyes, then shrugged. “So my baby boy has real estate money, huh,” he said, with a leer. “You know, not to pry, but -”

“Not to pry, but you're going to pry?” Peter snorted and sat up, He was going to at least try to make this an actual conversation, and the look in his boyfriend’s eyes was more Deadpool than Wade.

An unrepentant grin broke out on Wade’s face. “You know me so well, Petey!” He sat up and started nuzzling at Peter’s neck.

Peter laughed. “Go ahead with your not prying then,” he said, turning his head so Wade had a better angle. “That feels nice,” he said when Wade tugged his earlobe with his teeth.

“You know I always want to make you feel good, baby boy,” he said, before leaning back to look at Peter’s face again. “How can you afford three bedrooms? Sciencing can’t pay that much.”

Peter laughed. “My job certainly doesn’t pay that much, but ‘sciencing’ does when patents are involved.” Wade looked startled, but intrigued, so Peter kept going. “There are commercial applications for some of the work I have done with the spider silk, and Tony always made sure I retained the patents.”

“I didn’t think any of the Avengers knew who you were,” Wade said.

“They don’t. Tony’s certainly tried to trip me up, but I always say I am just helping a friend. It helps that I sold all of those pictures to the Daily Bugle. The idea that we were friends instead of the same person was established long before I started interning at SI.” Peter laughed. “I’m pretty sure FRIDAY knows, and KAREN definitely does, but I trust them not to out me. I’ve actually seen Tony argue to FRIDAY that he should know for my safety, and she just refuses in the most monotone voice. It’s hilarious.”

“So my baby’s loaded. Does this mean you’re going to be my sugar daddy now, because I thought I had that role locked down.” Wade looked and sounded genuinely conflicted.

Peter laughed. “Don’t worry, I don’t have top notch mercenary money, although I’m definitely not interested in being a sugar baby either.”

Wade threw his head back. “You never let me have any fun,” he sighed dramatically. He was clearly trying to come across as exasperated, but Peter could see his smile.

“Oh really? Never?” Peter smirked as he pushed Wade back and straddled him, coming to rest on his thighs.” Are you bored, Wade,” he teased, dragging his nails lightly down the other man’s chest.

“Uh huh,” Wade, but his voice came out breathy and distracted.

“Well, we can’t have that.” Peter leaned down and brushed his lips across Wade’s. All in all he thought that conversation had gone pretty well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’d only have one window out, um, to look out. For the view. Right.” Wade gave the nice lady showing them yet another apartment some serious side eye from under his hood. It was good that one of the things he loved about Wade was his absolute allergy to subtlety. It wasn’t that he was incapable. He just very rarely chose to exercise that ability. Extremely rarely.

Peter sighed, and cut off Wade before he started saying things about how the mostly covered balcony was too exposed. It just confused people who assumed they meant it would be too windy or let in snow too easily. It wasn’t like they could clarify that Wade was worried about someone seeing Spider-Man going in or out of the window. Or Deadpool, for that matter. He spent nearly as much time on roofs as Peter did.

Peter turned back to the real estate agent, whose face was the picture of a consummate professional. Peter knew she was sick of showing them perfectly nice apartments that they rejected for what probably seemed like completely arbitrary, or at least super weird reasons. “I don’t think this is the right one for us,” he said apologetically.

She didn’t sigh. Peter was impressed at how strongly she projected that she was very deliberately not sighing, because she was a professional and they should recognize that. “I’m afraid we’ve exhausted almost all of my listings that are a corner unit on the top floor of a building at least four stories high with large windows that open. I do have one more I can show you, but I am afraid that will be it.” She didn’t sound afraid. She sounded like someone who was fighting sounding sarcasm and extremely hopeful to be rid of them, actually. Peter didn’t blame her.

He nodded. “Thank you so much for being patient.” She nodded back and turned away, presumably so she could give in to the urge to roll her eyes.

When they walked into that last apartment, Peter had to bite back a comment about how she really should have shown them this place first. Wade wasn’t nearly so circumspect, of course. Once they had both satisfied themselves that the windows and roof access were perfect, Wade proceeded to set out to horrify the woman, probably on purpose, knowing him.

The fourth time in fewer than that many minutes that he said something blatantly sexual ( _ Baby boy, this bathroom counter is the exact height to bend you over and we can both watch in the mirror!) _ Peter interrupted to ask the poor lady about their next steps. He wasn’t surprised when Wade followed them into the kitchen, but instead of saying something hilarious yet appalling that Peter had to keep a straight face through, he quietly explored.

Peter hadn’t missed how much attention Wade had been paying to the kitchens in all of the places they had looked at, despite never saying anything, or how he was running his hand over the appliances and counters. Peter assumed he never said anything because he knew Peter didn’t cook, and he had been weirdly reticent about features that didn’t involve fucking or safety. Peter watched fondly as he stuck his head in the refrigerator for the third time. He wasn’t sure how many times the agent said his name before getting his attention, but from the look on her face, it was more than once.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two weeks later, Peter stood in his new living room, and looked over the veritable sea of boxes. He had no idea how he had fit so much in his one bedroom. Wade came up behind him, sliding his arms around him. He refrained from resting his chin on top of Peter’s head this time. Peter appreciated the restraint.

“Are you happy, baby boy?” Wade’s deep voice in Peter’s ear made him shiver. He knew Wade’s question was genuine, but he also knew the older man was looking forward to “christening” the apartment, as he put it. Peter leaned back against him for a moment before pulling away.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, and walked into the bedroom. He was nervous about this, even though both Ned and MJ had told him he shouldn’t be. Well, MJ had mostly rolled her eyes a lot and told him not to be stupid.

Taking a deep breath, he picked up the key on its Spider-Man keychain. He felt ridiculous buying his own merch, but he knew Wade loved it.

He wasn’t surprised when he found Wade in the kitchen. “Um, Wade,” he said. He sounded nervous, but he really was, so he couldn’t help it.

Wade turned around, grinning, but Peter knew he had picked up on his nerves. “What’s up, Petey-pie?”

Peter took another fortifying breath. “I was wondering, no, that’s not how I mean, I want, um, will you…” He could feel his face turning more red with every stammered word. “Here,” he said, thrusting the key and keychain at Wade, nearly hitting him in the chest.

Wade took it, grinning. “Didn’t we pass the having keys to each others’ apartment point a while ago. Well, at least some of them. You don’t have one to all of my safe houses...why do you still look nervous?” He was still smiling, but Peter could see he was curious, and a little concerned.

“I was hoping it could be the key to our place,” Peter said, then immediately looked down at the suddenly extraordinarily fascinating floor.

There was a pause, then Wade squealed and rushed forward. He picked Peter up and spun them around in a circle. “Yes,” he basically squealed. “Yes I will move in with you, unless you just failed to ask me a different question, but the answer to that would probably be yes too.”

“Asshole,” Peter said fondly, wrapping his arms around Wade’s neck and his legs around Wade’s waist. “Be nice or I really will make that room into a guest room instead of an armory, and you know this kitchen would be wasted on just me.”

“An armory?” Wade gasped, and nearly dropped Peter. Fortunately he was already clinging like a koala. “I love you,” Wade said, capturing his mouth in a kiss that started leisurely, but quickly grew heated.

When Peter pulled back, his lips were tingling and his cock was hard. “I love you too,” he said. “Now, you said something about the bathroom counter and mirrors…” He didn’t even get the sentence out before Wade was running through the apartment. Peter just laughed and hung on. They had a home to christen after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the lack of smut, but work is hell and everything I tried to write was terrible. Please forgive me. 
> 
> Peter’s asked his 5 questions, next chapter it’s Wade’s turn!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had barely finished tying an apron on over his dress when he heard the door open and fuck fuck fuck of all the nights for Peter to get home early, it had to be this one. He froze. Maybe if he stayed really still and quiet, Peter wouldn’t notice that he was home three days earlier than he had said he would be.
> 
> The goddamn timer went off like the warning signal from hell. Wade shrieked manfully and threw a knife at the stove _totally on purpose._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not what I had planned for this chapter, but Wade had plans of his own.

Wade took one last look at himself in the mirror. It was always hard, but for some reason his fucked up skin didn’t bother Petey, and he definitely looked good in his new dress. He gave a little twirl just to see the skirt flare and settle, then rushed towards the kitchen. He’d gone back and forth on the order of operations, but he could theoretically finish cooking after his baby boy got home, but going to change would just be awkward. He had definitely used the “I’m going to slip into something more comfortable” line a time or twenty, but tonight wasn’t about that. Wasn’t just about that. Wasn’t going to start out about that. Jumping jesus on a pogo stick, his mind was more scattered than normal.

He had barely finished tying an apron on over his dress when he heard the door open and fuck fuck fuck of all the nights for Peter to get home early, it had to be this one. He froze. Maybe if he stayed really still and quiet, Peter wouldn’t notice that he was home three days earlier than he had said he would be.

The goddamn timer went off like the warning signal from hell. Wade shrieked manfully and threw a knife at the stove _totally on purpose_

“Wade? Are you OK?” Peter appeared in the entry to the kitchen. He looked at the stove where the knife had landed, but dismissed it in favor of looking back at Wade. “I didn’t think you would be home until Monday.”

Wade just stared. He’d never been so conflicted to see that beautiful face and those Bambi eyes. On the one hand, he always wanted to be with his baby boy, but on the other, he had _plans._ “Um. Was there something you needed to do when the timer went off,” Peter asked, jarring him from his frozen silence.

“The bread,” he yelled, throwing his hands up and spinning to grab the oven mitts. He could definitely multitask while having a crisis. Honestly, that was most of his life on a good day. He was off and babbling about bread when he heard a choked noise behind him.

He looked over his shoulder to see Petey looking at him with whatever the horny version of heart eyes were. Eggplant eyes maybe? Oh right. The back of the dress. Well, the lack of it anyway. If Peter had been a cartoon character his tongue would have been on the ground. “I like your dress,” Peter said, sounding like he could barely focus enough to make that obvious statement.

“Thanks,” Wade chirped. “It has pockets!”

“Uh huh,” Peter said, stalking towards him. “You should take off the apron.”

“I’m, well, dinner’s not done,” Wade babbled, backing around the island. Peter just kept coming. “I still need to, yeah, you don’t care.”

“I really don’t,” his currently extremely intense baby boy said. Wade wanted to ask him again if he was _sure_ he wasn’t a real spider, because Wade sure felt like prey.

“Wait,” Wade yelped, again, _manfully_ , when Peter backed him up against the refrigerator and grabbed his ass.

“You’ve been gone for three weeks, and I missed you. Why should I wait,” Peter asked, pulling Wade’s hips against his and grinding into him.

Wade was going to blame the way Peter sucked hard on the spot where his neck met his shoulder for the fact that, “because I want to ask you to marry me and I want to do it right and you’re distracting me,” fell out of his mouth _completely without his permission._

Peter’s head popped up, doe eyes wide. “You…” He trailed off, staring.

Wade winced and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. “I had a whole plan, baby boy. It was going to be perfect, for you.”

Peter reached up and wrapped his hand around the back of Wade’s neck. “Look at me,” he said. Wade didn’t want to, but he had never denied Peter anything in his power to give, and he wasn’t going to start now. Peter looked at him for a moment, eyes steady and warm. “It will be perfect ‘cause it’s you, and it’s me, and it’s us,” he said, squeezing a little for emphasis, other hand steady at Wade’s waist. Then he smirked. “Besides, I don’t know what you’re worried about. _I’ve_ never said no to _you_ , which is more than you can say,” he said, leaning back and smacking Wade’s chest lightly.

“What, I mean, come on, you didn’t mean it, Peeeetey,” Wade protested, locking his arms tighter when Peter started to pull away.

Peer settled back in, hands on Wade’s chest. “I love you, Wade Wilson.”

This wasn’t at all how Wade had planned this, but it felt like the right moment. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against Peter’s. “I love you, Peter Parker,” he said, voice coming out hoarse. “Will you marry me?”

Peter slid his arms up and around Wade’s neck. “Nothing would make me happier,” he said, then huffed “I can’t believe you asked me first. I’ve had a ring hidden for two months.

Wade pulled him in and kissed him dirty and slow. He pulled back, then leaned forward to whisper in Peter’s ear. “I’ve had one for three”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was short and decidedly lacking in smut, but it felt right. This is the second time I have written Peter consciously choosing to ignore a knife Wade embedded somewhere, and I stand by that.

**Author's Note:**

> \- I straight up had to ask people what is on the top shelves at the grocery store, because I just abandon hope if it isn't on one I can reach. All I could think of was yeast, and let's face it, even adult Peter is definitely not a baker.  
> \- The chapter lengths on this are wildly inconsistent, so heads up on that.


End file.
